Heartache

Today I have tried to keep myself occupied. It is a year ago that Dad died. I took Dena to see mom and dad's headstone Saturday, she hadn't been able to see it since it was placed. It was good to spend the day with her, it was healing, I had a strong need for her that day. We are changing it seems as a result of all that has happened the last 2 1/2 years, a good change though, we know the value of what we have, each other. It is nice to have a positive change, so many haven't been.
I find that at times I am someone looking in on lives that I used to be involved in, that I no longer know things that I once would have, I am left finding things out through other sources, it seems strange. It is a reminder that you can't go back, and I know it is okay and even though I thought it wasn't something that really mattered anymore, it hurts alittle more than I care to admit. It may be the whole year death thing, I don't know. But what I do know is that Jesus loves me, I will always have Him and I have only to look at my family and know that I am blessed beyond belief. I don't have to worry what tomorrow brings, because He will see me through the good and the bad.
I will admit that as I sit here though I am nearing another step of grief, a real outpouring of tears I am afraid. You see I am home alone, it is quiet and music is playing and memories are flooding me, so I guess I will close, I will cry and I will get supper on and wait for my family and let God minister to me in the meantime by pouring out my heart to Him and allowing Him access to it so He can bring comfort. I know when I see my family and feel their arms enfolding me, all will be right with the world again. This is life, it is to be lived, good and bad, we just need to have the peace of God through the living. I love you Lord.